Review: The Expendables

I was really excited to see The Expendables at the second annual Cinemapocalypse, especially since Die Hard was scheduled to screen beforehand. Seeing Die Hard when it opened was a memorable experience for me. I recall the realization that I had spent most of the movie literally on the edge of my seat, and only releasing my grip on the armrests when the credits rolled. Die Hard was a defining moment for action flicks, a rollercoaster ride alongside a reluctant hero who viewers could emotionally invest in -- ironically Sylvester Stallone turned down the role of John McClane

Unfortunately, Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables falls far below the standard set by Die Hard as well as several other films featuring the stellar cast. Plain and simple, The Expendables is pure unadulterated action porn. The loose plot and dialogue exist solely to tie explosive money shots together, with body parts flying every which way. Subplots aren't fleshed out, leaving viewers befuddled.

The opening scene of The Expendables introduces us to a group of aging mercenaries led by Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), as they take over a Somalian pirate ship to rescue hostages. With impressive firepower, knife-throwing and hand-to-hand combat, they quickly take out the pirates. However, things get nasty as unstable drug-addicted Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren) attempts to hang one of the pirates despite orders. His partner Ying Yang (Jet Li) stops him, and Jensen nearly kills Yang, resulting in Jensen being released from services. Filling out the roster is heavy weapons specialist Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) and demolitions expert Toll Road (Randy Couture).

The team returns to the United States and their "everyday" lives. Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) discovers that a month away on the job has resulted in his girlfriend moving on to another relationship. Meanwhile, Ross spends time hanging with his ex-mercenary/tattoo artist/pal Tool (Mickey Rourke), until it's time for the next job. The mysterious Church (Bruce Willis in a cameo) hires the team to infiltrate a small South American country and kill its ruthless dictator General Gaza (David Zayas), who has enslaved the poor workers of his country. Ross and Christmas go on a recon mission into the country, but things don't go as smoothly as planned. Turns out that the greater enemy is a rogue ex-CIA operative James Monroe (Eric Roberts) and his bodyguard Monroe Paine (Steve Austin), and things get more complicated when Ross's contact, the rebellious Sandra (Giselle Itie) is left behind. Ross is remorseful about the failed mission, and returns with the team to rescue Sandra and finish the job they'd set out to do.

If only The Expendables was as simple as that -- but there are subplots that start but don't go very far. One example is with Yang, who repeatedly asks Ross for a bigger cut for his family ... but we never learn why, or if he truly even has family. Although one act of the film features one-on-one time between Li and Stallone, it's still not enough to establish much of Li's character. However, kudos to Stallone for giving Li some dialogue. Stallone's time with Statham is much more gratifying -- and not just because Statham's my favorite action beefcake thanks to his role in The Transporter trilogy. The male bonding between them is much more realistic than the cliched dialogue between Rourke and Stallone, during which I was too distracted by the hair weaves and dye jobs on Rourke's head and Stallone's eyebrows to focus on their banal conversation.

The final act of The Expendables was a succession of bodies flying, explosions, gunfights and hand-to-hand combat that grew tedious. It's a shame because the precision of the film's opening scene had set my expectations much higher. The ensemble cast gave it their best shot with decent performances for the screen time they had -- Schwarzenegger and Willis had less than five minutes onscreen tops. I noted almost 75 stuntmen were used in this film, evidence of Stallone's greatest focus on the action.

I expect that The Expendables will fare well at the box office this weekend, but the target audience is narrowly-confined to males who enjoy testerone-laden explosive action flicks. Personally, I would have been more impressed if Stallone had infused some of the themes from the classic The Magnificent Seven than his writing and directing experience from Rambo.